We are dealing with an emergency that was unthinkable for most of us even in our nightmares. The fallout of this disease and the ensuing lockdown has changed lives in ways we couldn’t have imagined. While most of the news articles talk about the human tragedy of migrants and of people losing jobs and businesses, few of the less interesting snippets escape the notice of the shrewd reporters. In this piece, I intend to bring out a few for your notice.
An employee of Galgotia refinery, Mr. Sankochpanti was caught by the headlights of a car. To make matters worse, he was completely drenched in water and was wearing only his underwear. Sources report that his wife would not let him in the house fearing COVID-19 transmission as he had just returned from work. To sanitise him, his wife had sprayed him with the garden hose using some dishwashing liquid as a disinfectant. “If a few spritzes of Hit can kill even the flying cockroaches, coronavirus kaunse khet ki mooli hai?” – Mrs Sankochpanti was reportedly heard saying by neighbours while she was adding generous amounts of Hit cockroach spray to the sanitising concoction.
Mrs Khoosat Begum was seen being pacified by her neighbours after she threw a rolling pin on her husband. Mr Nautanki Miya, her husband, was bemused and scared by her outburst. While nursing the growing lump on his head, he was reported to have conferred his suspicion for the reason for her anger: “I don’t know why she got so angry. I just made a simple joke that she can borrow my razor and scissors to trim her growing moustache and peeking nasal hair considering the beauty parlours were all closed.” If his suspicions are correct, Mrs Begum did not take the joke well.
Domestic disputes are refusing to die down during the lockdown. A couple had a full blown row in the middle of the street. Some of the neighbours reported that Mr Akarmanya had been complaining incessantly to his wife regarding the unavailability of maids during the lockdown. Apparently, before the lockdown, his behaviour was opposite, and was known to chastise his wife or give motivational talks whenever she would complain about the maid’s authorised or unauthorised leaves of absence. A neighbour, who refused to be named, sympathised with Mr Akarmanya. According to him, Mrs Akarmanya had substituted the maid with her husband, which effectively turned his work from home days to work at home days.
A dog took a walk in the park. Sources confirmed that it was just walking and not trying to take a dump. (Slow news day, folks)
Sulphurman 