Economically Efficient

The sun is still hiding behind the concrete structures. Its rays sneak past the straight corners and filter through the faded curtains. The gentle brightening of the room is enough to rouse him out of his stupor. He opens his eyes, and for some reason, he can’t see anything. The foul smell of unwashed clothes also fills his nostrils. He cannot feel the bump under his head, which is his pillow, either. A couple of moments of intense rumination brings home the revelation that his dirty, sweaty vest had somehow escaped from the bottom of his pillow, where he had placed it strategically to dry it from isothermal compression, so as to reduce his expenditure of detergent.

As soon as the word detergent comes into his mind, he sits up straight. The thought of using more than one spoon of detergent in one month always gave him cold sweats. It had been only twenty days since he last washed his undergarments, and for them to start smelling so foul so soon was infuriating. During these moments, life seemed unfair to him. Why did bad things happen to good people?

To distract himself, he goes up to the sink to brush. He opens the cap of the toothpaste tube and licks the bit sticking to the underside of the cap. That should be enough to keep him fresh and minty for the whole day. After brushing, he thinks about something to pick him up. One thought immediately brightens up his day: eating out.

He changes into his best clothes and rushes down the stairs. Unlocking his bicycle, he adjusts the rear brake pedal to a more accessible position. Bicycles actually do not have brake pedals. However, a couple of years ago his brake lever broke off from its position due to excessive rusting. Subsequently, he tied it up to the frame near the front wheel and used it as a pedal. He was proud of this little bit of innovation.

Pedalling hard, he reaches his destination within a few minutes. It’s a local eatery. He loves visiting this place. They always make him feel special. At Rs 25, he could order a meal which included rice, sambhar, dal, and a couple of sabzis. The proportions were large. However, that was not the best thing. The best thing was that it was an as much as you can eat restaurant. He only had to pay once. After satiating his hunger with three more helpings, he slowly rides back to his apartment.

As the evening arrives, he breaks the loaf of bread he had bought a couple of days back. He pours himself a glass of water, and wonders why people drink tea or coffee. Water does everything that the other beverages do. It refreshes the body, hydrates it, and helps wash the food down the oesophagus. Reclining back in his chair, he considers why people laugh at him, ridicule him, and call him a miser. He never thought of himself as a miser. He was just ahead of the curve. He was economically efficient.

P.S. No misers were hurt while writing this.

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34 thoughts on “Economically Efficient

  1. haha.brake pedals description was hilarious !! life would be so boring without meeting such misers here n there ๐Ÿ˜€ a small anecdote : once there was a guy in a small town whose married twice but both of his wives divorced him one after other and reasons : he was locking up food in kitchen , refrigerator ,Counting biscuits in morning before giving to his wife , was giving them a handful of rice and lentils to cook for lunch ..poor girls were starving sometimes..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, the brake pedal thing was inspired from someone I met in real life. ๐Ÿ˜€ You are right though. We need the misers.
      Hahaha, that is hilarious. Counting biscuits lol. Thanks for sharing this anecdote Sana. Now I have a story to tell during office addas ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What were you thinking before writing this post?! You have so many tiny details in there, I am scared to think it’s not all fiction! :p
    “placed it strategically to dry it from isothermal compression, so as to reduce his expenditure of detergent” — and what is this all about? I am so awed by these words, I’m not even trying to make sense out of them. How does it work?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What are you eating these days? Another smart observation ๐Ÿ˜›
      Yes, most of it is inspired from real life experiences. I’ve met my share of misers haha

      Oh, don’t get entangled in my pseudo-intellectual contraptions. Those words were supposed to confuse the reader haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh my God! I can’t believe this is more reality than fiction. I have a friend who is very finicky about clean hands and a neat place. She couldn’t read beyond the first paragraph of your post! Hahhaha! Her horrified expression was priceless!

        “Pseudo-intellectual contraptions”!! And for once I really thought it’s something science-y I could learn about! *facepalm*.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Bigda hi kab tha bhaijaan? haha.
      Well if reading it made you cringe, wonder what happened to me. I actually experienced all that in real life. Misers are named misers probably because they make your life miser-able.
      Hahaha, let the compression take care of itself. Pata nahi what made me write that ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Na, na. Bachelor life does have its dirty-vest free days (those are actually called no-vest days):D Haha just kidding.
      Yes, alhumdulillah. The image of people fighting over detergents is making me laugh ๐Ÿ˜€
      Ya Allah, tauba tauba. Nahi jee. I just picked some real life bitter experiences I have had with misers and made a post haha.

      Like

  3. You just reminded me of my boarding school years. I chuckled at isothermal compression. Didn’t know there were still as cheap all-you-can-eat deals in the world though i’ve been to a multitude of rickety eateries. All in all, i loved it. Misers, economically efficient and poor – they just remind us how little we actually need for survival, satisfaction and happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, Yes, such eateries do exist, and more surprisingly, in cities like Mumbai, which is like the most expensive city in India when it comes to the cost of living. I suppose, it is representative of the disparity of economic classes in the country. There is something for everyone, irrespective of the economic or social stratum from which they belong.

      Liked by 1 person

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